Dear you,

It's been a year and a half and your still in that little corner of my head. I should never have re-read our conversations in my old laptop, conversations we had last year, because that only made hate myself even more. I know it's neither our faults that we're worlds apart, but somehow I put all the blame on me. It was you who was there for me through all my crappy times, you were the one who helped me pull it together when I was fighting with *insertnamehere* last year, I would never have survived last year if you hadn't been advicing me the whole way and recently, you were the one who helped me get over my jealousy. I guess I've done the same for you, what with all the girl problems and best friend problems and all, but the main thing is, you know me better than you should. You know me better than the healthy proportion that you're supposed to.

I miss all the long late night conversations, the way you make me laugh on webcam, the way you always manage to put a smile on my face. As I'm typing this it suddenly hit me that I sound insane, because I haven't even met you properly before. But you're real, you're real and even with all the stupid things you get yourself into, even though we don't talk anymore, even though you aren't the guy that's gonna sing me to sleep and play me love songs on acoustic, you're still my kind of perfect. That's saying alot because anyone who knows me would know that I won't settle for a guy who can't sing / play guitar. THAT's the kind of effect you have on me.

Sometimes, when I subconciously zone out, I wonder if you've forgotten about me. If you had forgotten about those words you said to me. Then again, you probably have. Or occasionally I wonder what could've been if you were here or I was there. I have those stupid impossible fantasies about us just being together, just experiencing perfect bliss. I still miss you, some days more than the others. It sucks because I fell for you as hard as I fell for... *fill in ze blanks*, and THAT... is really hard.

The worst is during those rainy days. I'll just look outside and a million and one feelings pierce through my heart. Trust me, it isn't a pretty feeling. It's those days that I just want to put my face in my hands and cry, it's those days when I feel like I need you most. It doesn't make things any better than I lost my only picture of you, which UNFORTUNATELY WAS STUCK IN MY SISTER'S NOW SPOILT COMPUTER

But I'm gonna tell you all this. After PMR, when I go there, I'm gonna tell you straight up about how I felt.

"Love you, girl at the other side of the world."
- You.